For the past few weeks, I've been singing more with my two-year old daughter. She's reached an age where she enjoys listening to different songs and can differentiate between songs. She is also developing preferences for certain songs (although this usually changes on a daily basis). She enjoys singing along and practicing finding different pitches with her voice.
Singing with her has highlighted for me the importance of singing with children - especially for parents or caregivers of young children. When we sing together or when I sing to her, I immediately notice a shift in our presence with each other. We both seem to be more aware, more connected, more in tune (pardon the pun). She slows down and I slow down. We breathe together because our vocal phrases are being sung together. When the better part of our days together are spent primarily in a tug-of-war state - me trying to understand her two-year old rationale, and she trying to make sense of her world and my requests - these moments of togetherness in song bring sweet and delightful respite.
Here are some great reasons to sing with young children:
1) A child listens differently to words that are sung. Humans are naturally more aware when a message is delivered in a musical way. Music enters our brain and immediately travels through the emotional processing area. We tend to pay more attention when something creates an emotional response in us.
2) When we sing together, we release a bond-forming hormone. It has been shown that oxytocin is released when people sing or make music together. This is the same hormone released when we embrace, when we make love, and during breastfeeding.
3) Singing together creates a physical connection. As you both sing the same sounds, phrases, and melody, you are both present in that moment in a similar physical way. You are also breathing at a similar rate and pace as the phrasing of the song dictates when you breathe. It's like holding hands without touching.
4) You both slow down. Taking time to choose a song, to listen to each other, to look at each other for actions and prompts all require us to slow down and really pay attention to each other. I've found that singing as part of the bedtime routine is an easy way to bring my daughter's energy level down at the end of the day. She often falls asleep halfway through a song.
5) Children love action songs, and most of them don't require much movement for a tired mom, dad, or caregiver. Wiggling fingers, clapping hands, raising arms, air honking horns - these are all actions that are part of simple children's songs and none of them require running around or jumping up and down. Children love learning new actions and love being successful when they perform the actions during the songs.
6) Most children's songs have a simple and predictable rhythm and melody. Children respond very well to predictability and thrive when they can be successful within predictable boundaries. Songs are like pre-packaged successful moments. Children know when a song starts and when it ends, they pick up the rhythm easily and get a sense of how fast it moves, and they quickly learn to follow the (often repetitive) melody. The predict where the song will go, they feel comfortable with the parameters, and they participate successfully.
Let me just finish by saying one very important thing: you do not need to have a good voice to reap the benefits of singing with children. Our children aren't music critics and don't know the difference between a professional singer or a sing-in-the-car-with-all-the-windows-up singer. Children like the rhythm, melody, words, and funny actions in songs. They crave the attention and the connection that comes with music-making. Be silly if you feel self-conscious. They'll love it even more!
Oh, and if your child covers his ears and tells you to stop singing, don't take it personally. My daughter regularly does this to me and I sing professionally every day as a music therapist.
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